I'm finding hope. or more or less
hoping for hope.
i cant dwell anymore.
though the feelings reside
i must let go of the
thoughts plaguing my mind.
Even after leaving
you have this innate ability
to want me to need to better
my life and myself.
be safe in your travels.
if life brings you back to me
then i shall be truly happy.
if not then whats done is done.
I've noticed through the years
i become more and more silent
keeping within my head.
a lot of the times i just
feel i have nothing to say
or that its of no importance.
not hat i don't mind it.
i need to explore this world
get out of my shell.
this i have learned due to
recent events.
its time to reconstruct
the man i want to be
and abolish the things
i have kept for so long
i know can be changed,
and have been just not
to there full potential.
----
oh Dallas you tell it well.




-----


I'm sure this is all gonna sound
really ridiculous and..
I don't exactly expect anyone
to believe all this.
for the last little while
I've been kinda keeping
correspondence with my sanity,
and I really get the feeling that
I’m starting to lose interest
in the letter writing process.
The pieces of the letters,
they just get progressively
shorter and shorter until
it’s not even a reply. I...
the whole thing makes me
really nervous.
I just wish I could show you
what a huge problem this is.
I kind of have this...
Really terrible habit
of asking myself all these
stupid questions, right?
Like what if...
what if there's a spot
on my body that I can touch
to keep my heart from beating?
or like what if, what if there's this
stray bullet out there that’s gonna
come through my window and take me out?
like what if
what if there's this huge
unstoppable comet that’s just gonna,
destroy the earth and all of us?
Like what...
what if that’s happening right now?
How can I avoid all these questions
if I don't have that?
Like, who is gonna be here?
Why... who is gonna be there...
in the hospital?
Who is gonna tell me that
all this is bullshit...
its a dream?
Just a dream.
This is not a joke.
And... I'll never sleep.