troubled time

im growing quit unsure
about my financial situation
even if i save up till
she gets here
its nearly not as
much as i had hoped
I'm tired of being broke
for what reason?
none but my own.
even with the changes
I've made its
still not enough.
---
i need to rid
of my useless
items fast.
somehow
someway.
i need money.
sadly.
---
having to pay
all the bills..
oh the joys
of bringing home the bacon

its not much, but its ours.

sadie and I where on the phone together whilst being
at target "together". She then wanted me to buy us
a lil tree for us :). I've never bought anything
"together" that is, permanent, you could say.
It made this feel even more so real.
-----



I never want to walk away mad or upset.
you never know what may happen afterwords.
She makes me this way, i am thankful for this.
------
Robert gave me comforting words that i cannot
express how much they meant to me, honest.
Always knowing what words to speak,
when they are needed.
thank you.
------

its nice to hear from people how much joy you
bring into their life. I am glad i can bring
and uplift many people,
and give them my positive energy and make their days
worthwhile, even for a minute.
Yet i need to fend for self as well.
Metamorphosis of ones self, is the hardest thing
especially when people "know"
and "Except" so many things from you
when you are trying to stray from it.
am glad Robert can see such things within me
and says he Respects me and my decisions. It means a lot.
-----
to often people don't hear good things they wake up wishing to hear.
i usually tend to try and do such things and
compliment people (being sincere
while doing so).
there's so much good within a single person,
its just so much easier to ignore it.
----

it may not be much, but its ours. I cant wait to see where it grows.

lullabies

restless i wake. restless i wake.restless i wake. restless i wake.restless i wake. restless i wake.restless i wake. restless i wake.restless i wake. restless i wake.restless i wake. restless i wake.restless i wake. restless i wake.restless i wake. restless i wake.restless i wake. restless i wake.restless i wake. restless i wake.restless i wake. restless i wake.restless i wake. restless i wake.restless i wake. restless i wake.restless i wake. restless i wake.restless i wake. restless i wake.restless i wake. restless i wake.restless i wake. restless i wake.restless i wake. restless i wake.restless i wake. restless i wake.restless i wake. restless i wake.restless i wake. restless i wake.ifikeepmyjobanylongeritwillbethedeathofme.

-----
all i see is her face
all i hear is her voice
all i smell is her scent
in time sweety.
shes wrapped herself
around my every thought.

----

things happened.

"Tethered by Reality"

this lonesome leaf hung for dear life
his brethren left him, abandoned.
for he could not float away.
Fear consumed him.
all the other foliage
prospered into new terrain.
whilst he feared change.
one day son. one day.
------


i took a walk today.
i took a photo today.
i saw a familiar face today.
i thought of her today.
i am happy this day.

----------

"Purity"

the skies tried to destroy us today
but mother fought back
with much sorrow consuming us
brought much joy and hope
breaking through the clouds
parting such chaos
faith shined brightly

note to self:

i miss you terribly.



---


vinny,
we have
some work
to do.

breaking the habit

this dormant beast
once rested
now wishes to play
the cage was locked
kept at bay
for so long
what has become of me
change?
has it really become of self
or is delusion
the bed i made.
-----
alot is going on lately
and my head is spinning
i feel the anxiety choking me
and i cant take it anymore
i want to walk away.
just go
somewhere safe
but everyplace
that once was
is no more.
---
my heart belongs to a girl
her name is Sadie
she makes me want to change
be a better person.
she makes me smile
making me happy
more than i have ever been
she shall be moving here
the day after Christmas
what more could i ask for?
(even as i write this,
thinking of her,my
anxiety's and fears
dissipate)
my heart left
that day we
separated from a
wonderful hug
and it shall once return
when we return such a gift
to each-other yet again.
----
i have taken many leaps of faith
as of late
please don't fail me now.